I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
