sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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