Welp...herpes.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
