I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
