Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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