I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
