pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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