so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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