is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize