1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
