I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
