he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
