I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't turn off my feet"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
