WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
even my farts smell like vagina
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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