I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
