She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
