some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
