Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
