you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
