I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
