I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
