maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
