she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it glows. i had to have it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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