The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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