I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
