wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
