Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize