Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
