I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
