Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
