she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
