So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
