You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
