Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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