My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
