I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
