the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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