I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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