you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
