you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
