My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
