At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
