Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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