remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
