Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize