Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
