Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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