whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
