Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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