I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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