If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
