my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
