my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
