Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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