oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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