for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You left your phone here
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