I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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