Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
