I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
