Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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