I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize