there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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