Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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